Business owners,

The following article might shock you. It might fly in the face of everything you know about marketing your business online. If you’re willing to listen, I’m about to dig up the “untold story” of why your local marketing experts, yellow page representatives, digital media gurus, and TV / newspaper / radio guys aren’t helping you generate more customers. It may be an uncomfortable ride, but I promise by the end of this you’ll finally have the answers to your biggest question:  “Why have NONE of my online marketing efforts had a significant impact yet?”      Let’s get started.

From the desk of: Clay Parker, Director of Local MarketingTo: Business owners looking for answersDate: Tuesday, August 1, 2017

From the desk of: Clay Parker, Director of Local MarketingTo: Business owners looking for answersDate: Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Why do you think the internet hasn't brought you as many customers as you want?

Go ahead and think about that for a second. It’s not a trick question, I promise. Do you think it’s because your website isn’t good enough (like the sales guy from GoDaddy tells you)... or that you aren’t posting enough on Facebook? Or maybe you figure it’s because you’ve got negative reviews on Yelp—either a few bad ones or a lot of mediocre ones. Or maybe you think you’re too old to keep up with Pinterest and Instagram and Snapchat. Here’s a shocking statement for you. ALL those answers are wrong. Let me explain. Take a look at the picture of the dog being stretched between the arms of two children. Imagine that poor stuffed animal is you. The arms you see in this picture are the arms of the marketers and salespeople you're getting calls from every day. The ones knocking on your door trying to sell you the latest Google or Facebook or email solution that they promise will deliver new customers. When so many people are telling you to do so many things, the choices are overwhelming. Unlike tug-of-war, however, the strongest don’t always win. You end up going with the best pitch, and then one day you’ve got a new website or Facebook Page or Google campaign.  Great. But how do you know what’s working?  You might skim the reports about how many people clicked your ads or visited your website, but those stats aren’t exactly helpful, are they? Plus, your gut feeling is saying you’re paying way more for these services than you should be.   Like John Wanamaker, the father of modern marketing, once said, “Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half.” The real problem is that business owners don't have time to become digital marketing experts, and even if they did, they wouldn't know where to start.  That's ok. The only thing the "experts" have that you don't is a playbook and some best practices.  Think about it. If you knew where to focus your efforts and how to get the best bang for your buck, you could save a lot of time and money. You could cancel everything that's not working, set up a few “quick wins” on your own, and have a well-informed conversation with your marketing provider the next time you see him. You owe it to yourself and your business—the business you’ve spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours building—to not get taken advantage of when it comes to marketing.

So is all of this your local marketing provider’s fault?

Unfortunately, your local marketing provider—whether that’s someone from a local media company like a newspaper or radio station, or another company you found online—has a hidden agenda they can’t tell you about in fear of losing you as a client.  As you know, these people run a business, not a charity. Therefore… the more things they can sell you, the more money they make. If they can’t meet their monthly quotas, their commissions go bye-bye. Think about this for a second. As salespeople, what makes more sense to them… A) Giving you short-term solutions that expire when you stop paying, ensuring you come back time and time again. B) Setting you up permanently for success and losing you as a client. A is the obvious answerfor them, at least. If they don’t have enough clients (or their clients aren’t buying enough stuff), they go out of business. So it’s not that they’re “evil”, it’s just that they need to provide a happy balance between helping you and keeping their business alive.  Part of this business is convincing you that you need to be marketing yourself in as many places as possible.  Unfortunately for you…

There are thousands of options, such as Facebook, Google, Instagram, Yelp, WordPress, Pinterest, TripAdvisor, and countless others, which are all difficult to measure.

When starting a business, many entrepreneurs think that they don't need all these channels. They survive off word-of-mouth for a while, but as time goes by and they want to expand—or worse, beat a sales slump—they start dabbling in advertising.   A radio spot here, a Facebook ad there. A Yelp listing, an Instagram account, a YouTube video. The problem with these things, while sometimes valuable, is that they completely miss out on the ROOT cause of the problem you’re dealing with…your marketing foundation. Depending on what a marketer sees, they identify your pain points (example: weak Facebook presence) and try to “cure” you with their services, such as... ...10 Facebook posts a month...20 sponsored tweets...5 banner ads on a local news site...and even a new website—which you just finished building! But NONE of these solutions take care of your marketing foundation, which led to the diagnosed pain points in the first place!

The secret to online marketing results WITHOUT wasting money on unnecessary tools and services

It’s incredibly frustrating to experiment with online marketing and have every single method fail. It’s almost like the advertising world is taking your money and making you ride a never-ending carousel of costs and disappointment.

↳ You first thought you didn’t need online marketing, and maybe you didn’t when you started, but now it’s required to keep up with the competition.

↳ You’ve tried looking up free information and doing it yourself, but that didn’t help either (after all, anybody can give free advice, but that doesn’t mean it’s good!)

↳ Finally you resorted to a local marketing provider, who more than likely overwhelmed you with options and/or underwhelmed you with results.

If you’ve had any of these experiences and you’d like to get off the Marketing Carousel of Pain once and for all, let me show you a system that has helped 400,000 local businesses discover a step-by-step process of what they need to do next. Keep in mind - the following research comes from Google, and Google has more data on local businesses than ANY other marketing provider out there. It’s proven to work.

Introducing: The first and ONLY automated marketing assessment for business owners…

The Report of Pain

A few years ago, Google partnered with Shopper Sciences to do a study on the most crucial aspects of modern marketing.

What they found was amazing. There are four key pillars of a strong marketing foundation: awareness, findability, reputation, and attraction.  Four pillars. That’s it.  Start by asking yourself these four questions:

  • Do people know about me?
  • Can people find me?
  • Do people trust me?
  • Do people like me?

Above: Google's study showing the most important aspects of online marketing.

Each of these four questions matches a key area of digital marketing: advertising, websites, reviews, and social media.  If you focus on those four things, you’ll gain a significant advantage over your competitors.  The trick is you need all four to be successful.  If your website sucks (maybe it’s too slow or it doesn’t look good on phones), it might not show up on Google and no one will be able to find you.  Or maybe you have a good website, but when a customer searches for you on Yelp, she finds a bad review and chooses a competitor instead. Many years of talking to local business owners showed me that most of them are simply lacking a well-rounded, step-by-step game plan that’s built for these four needs. And after several months of blood, sweat, and tears—and piggybacking off Google’s research, which has already helped millions of small businesses already—I developed a system that does exactly that.

Here's how it works...

The Report of Pain consists of 1 customized marketing assessment for your business, 1 detailed guide of what to do based on your report’s results, and dozens of rebrandable marketing materials that you can use to improve your online marketing immediately.

The report identifies where you need help by scouring the internet for details on reviews, website performance, incorrect listings, wasted advertising spend, and more, and then it tells you exactly how to improve. Generating this report couldn't be easier. You simply...

1. Input the name and address of your business (takes 1 minute)...

2. Receive your full marketing assessment in less than a day...

3. Review the assessment and proceed with the recommendations.

I believe in a holistic approach to marketing, so you'll also get tips to help you not only gain new customers but also retain loyal customers and improve positive word of mouth. Yes, it might take a few minutes a day to fix up your marketing (what have you ever accomplished worthwhile without some kind of effort?), but everything you need to do is simple and easily done right from the comfort of your own home. No need to hire anyone, no need to pay someone else to do it for you...and no more confusion.

If a marketing provider has sold you any of the following products or services, the Report of Pain can show you if it was effective or a waste of money.

☐ Website hosting☐ Website design / maintenance☐ Search engine optimization☐ Online video production☐ Mobile media management☐ Online consulting & research

☐ Social media management☐ Online reputation management☐ Online review generation☐ Search engine marketing (Google and Bing ads)

☐ Online advertising☐ Display ad design☐ Email management☐ Listings claiming☐ Blog development☐ Site visitor analysis

I believe in this report so much, I tested it on my dad’s restaurant to make sure it worked.

I've always heard the way to truly tell if you believe in a product is to test it out on your own family. So as I was developing this system, I decided to enlist my dad as my guinea pig. My father owns a brew pub in the mid-west. When it comes to his business, he’s the kind of guy who does everything himself. Hires staff, runs the kitchen, unloads beer trucks, does the bookkeeping, orders inventory, and so much more that he has no time to learn—let alone manage—his online marketing. Recently, he paid his local internet provider to build him a new website and set him up with some Google advertising. When I asked him how it was going, he said, “Pretty good. I like the website.” But when I asked if the site had brought him customers, he shrugged and said, “No idea.”

So here's what we did... I sat down with him and ran the Report of Pain on his pub. In ten minutes, the results were in—and they weren’t pretty. Let's just say the report told us that his new website sucked...big time. It didn’t work well on mobile devices, its images weren’t formatted correctly, and the home page was missing crucial information that Google wanted to know about. Not only that, but the report flunked him on two other categories, too! His address and phone number were wrong on 80% of his business listings, and he had 92% fewer Facebook fans than the industry average. His final grades? Two Cs, one D, and two Fs. Ouch. I have to admit, I was nervous. I was showing my dad everything that was wrong with his business—the same business he had poured his heart and soul into since I was a baby. But hey, Dad taught me that honesty is the best policy, so I figured it’s time to help out. Which brings me to my next point...

You'll get EVERYTHING you need when you decide to get the Report of Pain

I know it’s frustrating that your marketing might not be working as well as it should be, so I'm going to give you everything you need in order to: 1) See where you currently stand, and 2) Get the results you're searching for. Here's what you'll receive when you get started. Part 1: The Report of Pain The Report of Pain is a brutally honest marketing assessment of your business. Your first step is to enter three pieces of information: business name, address, and phone number. That’s it. In less than a day, you’ll receive a personalized report packed with details about your business.  Here’s what’s covered in the report: ✓ An overall grade for your business, as well as individual grades for five key areas: website, social, listings, reputation, and advertising ✓ An in-depth explanation of how you stack up against industry averages ✓ A step-by-step walkthrough of each category to pinpoint where you need the most help

Warning: The grades are harsh...that’s why it’s called the Report of PAIN!! Part 2: The Ultimate Guide to Marketing Your Business Online   In addition to the Report of Pain, you’ll receive the Ultimate Guide to Marketing Your Business Online. Once we've identified your areas of weakness, this guide will tell you what to do next. It’s packed with 120 pages of step-by-step instructions that map to every part of your Report of Pain assessment. You'll never be wondering what you’re supposed to do or if you’re doing things correctly. With the Ultimate Guide to Marketing your Business Online, you'll have a playbook—a custom marketing plan—you can go back to again and again should you ever forget something or need a refresher. Part 3: Bonus content!    No doubt marketing is a lot of work, so I’ve included tons of bonus content to make your life easier, such as... ✓ Templates to help you respond to positive and negative online reviews ✓ A "digital plumbing" guide to help you set up advertising campaigns correctly ✓ Infographics, marketing seminar videos, and more

How much will an investment in your marketing cost? 

Thinking this system "costs money" is the wrong way of looking at it. Anything you pay money for which will bring you future benefits is an investment, not an expense. And that's exactly what you're investing in today: an assessment that tells you what’s wrong with your current marketing approach and a strategy that’ll help fix it. Consider the alternatives: either pay thousands of dollars for a similar marketing assessment or spend hundreds of hours figuring out what to do on your own. At $79, the Report of Pain not only gives you a detailed marketing assessment at a fraction of the price of what an agency would charge, but it also offers you over $1k in bonus resources that can be used to market your business. I'm sure you'll agree it’s a pretty easy decision.

Report of Pain chart
Digital marketer





Receive assessment in less than a day



Results backed by Google's data



Professionally recommended solutions







Guaranteed to work or money back






100+ hours


And if you order today, you'll get a FREE gift 

I want to make sure this is a “no-brainer” for you, so if you order The Report of Pain today, I’ll send you a full copy of 101 Free Tools for Digital Marketing.

This exclusive guide saves you thousands of dollars in marketing software by recommending top-notch tools that don’t break the bank, including... ✓ Free stock photo sites✓ Professional design software✓ Writing tools✓ Social media tools✓ SEO and SEM tools✓ Analytics and reports✓ Productivity / time-savers This guide typically goes for $49, but it’s yours free of charge with the purchase of The Report of Pain.

Take action now and see where your marketing stands

I hope you’ll make the right decision in choosing to give the Report of Pain a shot. After all, you have nothing to lose—except the uncertainty regarding the effectiveness of your current marketing efforts. Remember... this system has been proven to work for more than 400,000 businesses.  Will the results of the assessment sting? Probably. But you’re tough. (You started a business, for crying out loud, you can handle some light criticism.) After all, tough love is better than no love at all.

Clay Parker

Clay Parker, Director of Local MarketingFounder of the Report of Pain


Still have questions?

Report of Pain Frequently Asked Questions

It’s called the Report of Pain because the results aren’t always pretty. Most business owners don’t know how bad their online marketing is until they're shown each section of the report.

The system works by identifying where your online marketing could use help. By scouring the internet for details on online reviews, poor website performance, incorrect business listings, wasted digital advertising spend, and more, the report provides data-backed suggestions on how to improve your presence.  Once you know what’s wrong, you can follow my step-by-step guide to strengthen your marketing foundation.

The Report of Pain covers the four key pillars of successful local marketing, as identified by Google: website, social media, reputation / reviews, and advertising.

1 Report of Pain for your business1 Ultimate Guide to Marketing Your Business Online10+ Pieces of bonus content, including templates, checklists, and moreBonus access to “101 Free Tools for Digital Marketers”

Ask yourself this question: have any of the marketing providers you’ve worked with ever taken the time to fully assess your business’s needs from a holistic perspective, told you what’s not working, told you how to correct your problems step by step, and proven that all of their suggestions have worked? If not, then you will benefit from the Report of Pain system.

You will go through 3 steps, as follows: 1. Input the name and address of your business (takes 1 minute).2. Receive your full marketing assessment in less than a day.3. Review the assessment and proceed with the recommendations.

The signup process takes less than one minute, and you should receive your full assessment within a day. Get started here:

Yes. There is a prompt refund given for up to ten days, no questions asked.

Yes. We do not have the time or creativity to think up those stories.

No, you’re never too old to learn online marketing. But don’t take it from me—watch this fifty-second video and then ask yourself the same question again.